a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
