Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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