I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
