Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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