Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
