Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
