just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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