Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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