wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
