I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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