so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
