Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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