I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
