I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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