Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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