you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
