remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
