My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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