do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
