I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
