shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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