drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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