my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You've changed since you got that strap on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize