Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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