Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't put those talents on a resume
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
