im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
