i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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