Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
