Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
