all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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