not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
