I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
