Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
