My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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