you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize