If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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