I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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