Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
