I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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