THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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