I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize