Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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