Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
