My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
