what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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