So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
