im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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