I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
