the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
