I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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