I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
