Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
