Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
