Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
