a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
