I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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