I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
