I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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