How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
