I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
