Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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