Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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