why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize