life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
