also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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