He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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