just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
