I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
