Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize