never play flip cup with pint glasses
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
