I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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