I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
