Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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