He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
