She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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