I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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