his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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