foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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