Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
